Why can't strong people always be strong?

This week has had its highs and lows, as every week does.  The highs included great discussions with Helen Mulli about the design and planning of the toddler home, singing happy birthday to little Emmanuel, having Miriam decide that she likes me (even after all that happened to her at the hospital) and hugging my dear Chloe when she needed lovin’.

The lows included finding out that my cousin Paul (who should be here in Swaziland right now with my cousin Kim, Jeremy, Matthew and Joanna) possibly has an inoperable brain tumor that showed up as a brain infection only a few weeks ago causing them to cancel their trip.  We will have confirmation next week so please pray for them all.  My cousin Kim is the person who is also my mom’s primary caregiver in Guelph, Ontario and I weep knowing that she is caring this heavy load while I am here. This week we also found out that my mom is being moved back to her nursing home after a 7 week stay at a mental hospital (she would lose her bed/room at the nursing home after 8 weeks), and she is furious because she prefers the mental hospital to the nursing home. Really.

I find myself in tears a lot these days, overwhelmed with the amount of work that needs to be done here at Project Canaan, overwhelmed that I personally don’t have any of the skill sets needed to do the work, overwhelmed that we don’t have the funds to do what we need to do and often overwhelmed that I am overwhelmed even though I am serving a BIG GOD and I should know better.  Sigh.  Repent again.

Someone asked what my biggest challenge is here and that answer could change daily, but this past week it has been trying to keep a happy face when I am just plain tired or frustrated or hurting.  You see, strong people are always supposed to be strong. That is what everyone expects, and frankly, demands.  We aren’t supposed to snap at people, get frustrated (and show it) or have a bad day/week/month.  We are supposed to just move on as if we were Super-human, even when the day ahead seems impossible.  But I am not Super-human, I am just human and broken like everyone else.  Maybe I just hide it better and longer than others do.   As the children's Sunday school song Jesus Loves Me says, "I am weak, but He is strong" and sometimes I just need to be reminded that He is my strength when I am in a valley.

On a happy note we got a lot of work done at the baby home this week.  The volunteer team who is with us did a terrific job of preparing and planting a large garden, building a laundry facility and painting the roof.  Denis and Anthony were amazing and working with the team and Peter moved mountains of dirt as we prepare to build a shade structure for our little ones to enjoy outside.  But my biggest thank you of the week goes to our long time friend Ralph Glass who came and volunteered at Project Canaan for the past six weeks.  His help, his encouragement, his friendship and his ability to do anything that was needed is appreciated by all. Thank you Ralph for giving of yourself so selflessly. Come back again any time.

As I drove home this morning from my early morning school bus drop off I was listening to the local radio station. There was a pastor giving a message and it was based on Isaiah 40:30-31 which reads, “Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

My hope is in the Lord and I know that I will be renewed by Him, and I am thankful.

Live from Swaziland I am still weak, but He will always be strong.

Janine

You thought you had a bad day?

Miriam was having a really bad day.  She was only 11-months old and weighed 14 pounds when her mom gave her away to total strangers on Tuesday.  Suddenly she found herself in a big room with bright lights that smelled funny with many sick children coughing and crying.  People were holding her down, sticking needles in her, poking at her eyes, ears and mouth, and then pulling off her diarrhea filled diaper.  To make it worse there was a very, very white lady there with white hair that made the whole experience more terrifying because she had never seen a white person before. On Tuesday, July 10^th, Miriam had a really bad day.

Here is the back-story.

On Tuesday morning Helen and I met this young mother who was mentally ill.  She was holding her 11-month-old baby in her arms while she sat quietly at the Social Welfare Office.  The mother’s uncle brought her there and charged that she often went off and left the baby alone, sometimes for a week at a time.  He was desperate for something to be done because if she left again, the child might not live and he already had too many dependents to care for.  We were asked to make El Roi the home for this beautiful girl, and we said yes.

The mother told us how very happy she was that the baby was going with us and she headed off to the bus stop to go home.  The baby was asleep as we got in our van and headed directly to the Baylor Pediatric AIDS Clinic in Manzini because our standard policy is to have every child tested for HIV as soon as we receive them.  Miriam (also known as Thembalethu) tested negative, even though she was exposed to her mother’s HIV status when she was born.  This was good news, but suddenly she got a fever, started coughing, her heart was racing and we knew we had a sick baby on our hands.  Thankfully we were right next to a hospital and headed directly in to see a doctor friend who specializes in malnourished children.  He examined her right away and admitted her immediately.  She has severe pneumonia and is malnourished.  She is being fed F75 formula (which is miracle food for children in this situation) and is on IV antibiotics.  We believe she will be well and come home soon. 

The rest of this blog will give you a few helpful tips if you ever find yourself on a day or night shift at a Swazi hospital.  I hope to not offend anyone in any way, but alas, I will share what I experienced that day with a few pointers for others.

 

• You can’t admit a child (or anyone) to the hospital without being there to be the primary caregiver.  There is only one nurse in the pediatric ward and she can’t be the caregiver, so you must be there to cook, clean, etc.

• You need to sign a paper committing to pay the bill at the end, as this is a private hospital.The

    cost to stay per day is E6 (six Emalangani or six Rand), the equivalent of .73 US cents per day, plus medication of course. 

• There were 9 children admitted the evening we were admitted so, unfortunately, the nurse wasn’t able to check Miriam’s admission forms until the next morning.  Therefore, no medication or food was given until the morning. Note to self – bring bottles and formula in case the special food doesn’t arrive when it is scheduled to.

• Other packing needs: You must bring your own sheets, blankets, towels, soap, diapers, formula, diaper cream, food, cell phone charger and chair to sit on beside the crib.

• Bath time: The time to clean the baby is around 5:30-6:00 AM, so be sure to have your cleaning bucket, soap and supplies ready (oops, we didn’t have those).

• You will be pleasantly surprised when a lady in charge gets up and starts singing in siSwati and all the women answer in song around 7:15 AM.  They sing about how big and deep and wide God’s love is for us.  It is inspiring and beautiful. 

• Immediately following prayer, a photo flip chart will be presented to all who are there to explain how you get HIV/AIDS and how NOT to get HIV/AIDS.  There is a reasonable amount of Q&A before going back to look at the babies in the cribs.  You are free to ask questions…in siSwati.

• Pay attention when the lady in charge starts to explain the importance of proper hand washing with hot water and soap so as not to spread germs around the pediatric ward.  It would be a terrific idea to have hot water and soap in the ward for all to practice with, but alas, there is only cold water.  If you forget your bar of soap at home the whole concept is lost.

• Don’t pay attention when the woman who usually mops the floor walks through the pediatric ward with a chain saw…I am sure she has a good reason for it.

• Don’t be offended when the Swazi women start to talk amongst themselves in siSwati across the entire ward and point at you and laugh.  Surely they are not making fun of you.

• Don’t take it personally when several of them correct you firmly for leaving the cap off your baby’s bottle, thereby exposing it to germs in the room.

• Don’t act surprised when the ladies who were worried about your bottle cap share a 2L bottle of orange Fanta around the ward OR when their 5-year-old boy stands up on the bed next to you and pees into a plastic grocery bag beside the Fanta.  Maybe that is why they wanted me to keep the cap on the bottle…that makes sense now.

• If you choose to make conversation with the other women, some will enjoy it, but most don’t speak English.  Asking questions isn’t for the faint of heart though.  You may find out that one child is there because their babysitter broke the 3-month-old baby’s femur while the mother was at work.  You may discover that the little baby beside you is actually 6-years-old and weighs 22 pounds.  You may also wonder if she will be alive when you arrive at your next shift.

• Feel free to give any or all of your diapers to the woman next to you because her son has chronic diarrhea.  She has no income and the 8-month-old baby’s father died in a car crash before the baby was born, so how could she possibly pay for diapers?  Thankfully she only has one little one.  Her only other child is 18-years-old now.  How old is the mother, you might ask?  She is 30.  Quick math confirms she was 12-years-old when she had her first child.  That is a good moment to look back to your crib.

• Caution: The hospital kindly provides food for the caregivers/mothers (which I haven’t seen in an African hospital before), but be prepared to stand in line with a plate for your neighbor, even if you don’t want to stand in line with a plate.  She may encourage you (bully you) into doing so, so that she may have two meals.  Be prepared for the glaring eyes of others who will believe that you are eating/stealing their food.  Just close your eyes, hold our your plate and bear it.  Go immediately back to your happy place and look at the baby.

• There is no need to take an iPod.  There is an old TV suspended from the ceiling with a snowy image, but Justin Beiber is clearly singing in the background.

• It is good to know that if you have Manna Packs from Feed My Starving Children you may be able to convince the doctor to release the baby from hospital early if you promise to give the oral antibiotics and the Manna Packs.

• Checking out of a hospital takes about 4 hours and the cost for our 3 night stay (including special food and x-rays etc.) was approximately $15 USD.  Prescription medicine is free.

• The most important thing you need to know (if you have skin that is as white as mine) is that many babies, including your own new one, might find you absolutely terrifying and there is nothing you can do about it.

I have been in many hospitals around Africa, the worst clearly being the pediatric burn ward in Lilongwe, Malawi, but I was still unprepared for my “day shift” with little Miriam yesterday.  I am thankful for Thabile from the El Roi Baby Home who came back from holiday to do the “night shift” at the hospital all week long.  I am thankful for our interns who are helping out at the baby home this week so that Gcinile and Helen can take turns doing a job that I was totally unqualified and ill equipped to do. 

Thank you for your prayers and support.  We now have nine beautiful babies and we give thanks for each of them.  Caleb celebrated his first birthday on Wednesday and we are giving thanks for his improved health.  We hope that his legs will be strong enough to start crawling and then walking soon!

We need to get started on our Toddler home because when the babies turn two they will move to the “big kids” home.  If you can help fund this or fundraise for this important project, please go to: https://heartforafrica.secure.force.com/pmtx/cmpgn__donations?id=701C0000000UCGO or contact me directly at Janine@heartforafrica.org.  Thank you in advance for all you can do and give.

It’s Saturday morning and I am emotionally drained.

Janine

A picture is worth a thousand words ...

There is an expression that says, "a picture is worth a thousand words" and since the events of this past week have left me a bit speechless right now, I thought I would just post a few fun photos to give you a glimpse in to the lighter side of our lives here.

This first one is Chloe packing up on her ATV with all her overnight things so that she could drive down to the El Roi home for abandoned babies and do the "night shift" (which is 7PM to 7AM) since the team was short staffed.  We were sending her off in the pitch dark with her homework and snacks.

This photo is of our friend Ralph, lying outside our kitchen window on the "pass through" counter, which is outside the really cool windows that pull all the way back. We are always thankful when he comes and volunteers for 6-8 weeks a year. 

Jimmy Wilferth was moving mountains at the El Roi baby home when he tore up the rock that we thought couldn't be moved!

 

Jimmy and the boys heading to a staff meeting.  Sometimes the tractor is the only vehicle available on the farm and we are so thankful for Rotary International for their wonderful gift!

Garrett, Chris and Reece were moving a small (but really, really heavy) mountain in front of the El Roi baby home.

 

I never thought I would see Ian and Ralph hanging official photos of His Majesty King Mswati III, the Queen Mother and the Prime Minister of Swaziland, but alas, we are thrilled to hang them at the El Roi home for abandoned babies.

Ralph hanging the Jared Birk plaque and official opening plaque for the baby home.

My  baby turned 16 years old and we are so very thankful for her life.

Funky leggings from Las Vegas - the perfect gift for a 16 year old living in Africa :)

Chloe sharing her hair with favorite "Uncle Ralph".

 

There are many things that happened this week that I am unable to blog about, but I thought you might enjoy a few photos in place of the truth of the craziness and unpredictability that we experience daily. Thanks for your understanding and support.

Live from Swaziland, it IS Saturday morning, and I am thankful.

Janine

68% of Swazi's polled believe it is justified to kill your lover if they have cheated on you with someone else ... and a few other thoughts from me.

Life in Swaziland is complicated, yet in the same breath I can say that life in Swaziland is simple.  There doesn’t seem to be any small talk or conversations about the weather or who won the game last night.  Everything discussed is important, and it is usually directly linked to life or death. 

This week I learned that my mother, who has been a follower of Jesus her whole life, now believes that Jesus has forsaken her and left her to die alone.  She has cut off all prayer and communication with Him because he has abandoned her.  She wants a gun so she can end her life, but refuses to acknowledge that she has suicidal thoughts.  Lord, please help me understand why you are allowing this to happen. 

The same day I heard about my mom I got a call from Helen who had taken little baby Jeremiah to the Baylor Pediatric AIDS clinic.  Sadly, he tested positive for HIV.  Jeremiah was found at a bus stop in Mbabane when he was only one week old and is now a month old and has been growing and thriving … and now we know he is infected.  It’s like getting a kick in the stomach, but I will still give thanks that El Roi saw Jeremiah and send him to us for love and care.

Life is complicated, and yet simple. Whether praying for my mom or for all the babies at the El Roi baby home, I am reminded that my focus is to be on HIM and Him alone.  I can’t do any more for my mom than I am doing and I can’t do any more for Jeremiah.  I have to do what I can do and leave the rest in HIS capable hands.  His ways are not our ways and His plans are not our plans – and I try to remind myself of this every single day, or else I will go mad trying to fix things that aren't mine to fix. 

Those are some of my thoughts for this week in Swaziland, but keep reading because I want to share some interesting (and terrifying) statistics from a poll take by a Swazi newspaper.  I saw originally in a blog post by Benjamin Verhulst, who is also living in Swaziland.  These will give you a little different perspective of how Swazi’s think and what we are dealing with around us.  

Living in Swaziland is complicated ... and not.

Janine

People starving, babies getting needles and summer interns serving

It has been a great week with our 2012 summer interns.  They are smart, hard working, funny and willing to do anything.  They visited a dozen families in the Project Canaan community to find out what the real needs are in the community homesteads. They collected garbage and recycling from all the buildings on the farm (THANK YOU REECE!!!). They worked at the Baby Home and Farm Managers Building. They gave away new TOMS Shoes up at El Shaddai and best of all, they brought us all joy and made us laugh. 

The community visits to our new “neighbors” were tough.  Every homestead that we visited seemed empty.  Death has wiped out the very life and vibrancy that once filled those homes and the hearts of the people who have been left behind.  Visit after visit we found one person, often an old grandmother, left caring for the children as the only income earner had gone off to work at Project Canaan.  That income earner was trying to provide for six to twelve dependents, which was clearly an impossible task.  Traditionally, Swazi families farm the land around them and provide much/most of the family food from their own farm and garden.  The family used to be subsidized by income earned outside the home, which was used for school fees and other family needs.  With the drought of recent years very few families are able to grow any food and their cupboards (or plastic buckets on the mud floor where they would store their harvest) are literally bare.  There is no food. Several women told us (with embarrassment and a sense of shame) that the only food their children ate was at school from Monday to Friday.  There is nothing in the morning to give them for breakfast before they leave and nothing when they get home at night.  Weekends are a difficult time for the family as they sit around a fire with nothing to cook. The people around us at Project Canaan are starving AND yet they are some of the “lucky ones” because they are employed.  A single income from farm work is far from what these families need to survive.

The unemployment rate in the Kingdom of Swaziland is estimated to be upwards of 70%.  ONE of the many challenges we saw with our neighbors is that there are so few adults left and so many children that it is really impossible to provide for all the hungry mouths, even if every available adult was able to find employment.  One family we visited only had four people living there, but in housing that once accommodated 30+ people.  The woman’s husband had died.  One of the sons told us that his mother had lost a lot of weight (a typical sign of HIV/AIDS), but we were assured it was because she had a common cold.  The homestead was void of people, void of food and we saw very little hope for the future.  But they were very happy that we had visited. 

Next week we will visit these twelve homes again, this time with our volunteer teams bringing warm clothes (it is very cold here as it is winter in the southern hemisphere), new TOMS Shoes for the children and warm beanie hats for all to wear.  But we can’t go without food.  The would be like Marie Antoinette saying, “let them eat cake” when she was told that there was no bread for the people to eat.  We will take life-giving, high protein “Manna Packs” from the wonderful people at Feed My Starving Children so that the children can get a healthy meal, a full belly and the knowledge that someone really does care about them.

I won’t lie to you though.  The problem is overwhelming and can’t be solved quickly. This is an investment over time, and one that we need to stick with.  But we can never underestimate the value of a visit.

Matthew 25 says that we are to visit those who are in prison because when we do it for “the least of these” we do it for Him.  I believe that “prison” doesn’t always have bars on the windows and locks on the doors.  The women we visited this past week are in prison because they have no choices and no options for a better today or tomorrow.  When we visit them, we bring hope, love and encouragement.

On a happier note, the eight little babies who are living at the El Roi baby home all went to the clinic today for their inoculations.  Each is at a different stage so each one had a different combination, but with eight women to happily hold them they got through the ordeal in less than 2. 5 hours and they slept all the way home in the van.

Another week has finished at Project Canaan and tomorrow Lori Marschall leaves us for California, Ian and Jimmy will drive to Johannesburg to pick up the June team of volunteers coming to serve, and my #1 son heads back to the US to have some time off before he starts at Florida State University in August.  I think Sunday might be a very hard day for me so please keep me in your prayers.  I know Spencer will be just fine, but I will miss him desperately when he is away.  I am not sure where the last 18 years has gone – they flew by and now Spencer gets to stretches his wings, a long long way from home (and his mama).  Gulp.  I am sending my love and prayers with him as he goes.

It’s Saturday morning in Swaziland and I am pensive.

Janine

16-years-old, HIV positive, and pregnant with her third child

On Thursday we got a call from the Social Welfare department saying that there was an 8-month-old baby boy who was in desperate need of help.  On Friday morning Helen and I dropped Chloe off at her school bus at 6:45AM and then headed to Siteki  to see what we could do.

We met with the Social Welfare officer who introduced us to the baby, and his mother.

The baby’s mother is 16-years-old, HIV positive, and pregnant with her third child.  The first child is being raised by the father’s family.  The father of the second child (the one in her arms in front of us) ran off and abandoned them both.  The father of the baby in her belly is dead.  She had so much pain, so much sorrow and a face that was totally without hope.

She was living with her step-sister because all of her family is gone she had no where else to go, but the step-sister’s boyfriend didn’t want to have to provide for the little baby and the new one on way so he kicked out of the house.  She had no where to live, and no way to care for her child(ren).  She went to the Social Welfare office to see if someone could care for her baby, while hoping to be able to abort her unborn child. 

We agreed to take the baby to El Roi and she seemed satisfied.  We also agreed to receive the newborn in August if she promised not to harm the baby.  She agreed.

As the official paper work was completed we discovered that the baby we were taking with us turns one-year-old on Sunday, June 17^th.  He is the size of a 4-month-old and is severely malnourished.  His hair is sparse and a light orangy color. He has a distended belly and his “poop” is the color of sand since there are no nutrients in his body.   Despite his condition he has seven teeth (our first baby with teeth!!) and he smiled at us in the office.

Papers were signed and as we headed to the car.  I asked the Social Welfare officer how this young mother would be feeling at this moment?  Scared?  Desperate?  Mourning?  She told me that the girl was happy that her baby would be cared for and sure enough, the girl smiled and laughed as she handed her baby to Helen.  I am not sure how to interpret this.  Happy that the baby will be well cared for or happy that she no longer carries that burden … or both?

We drove straight to the Baylor Pediatric AIDS clinic and had him tested and weighed.  He is HIV negative (THANK YOU JESUS!) and he weighs 12 pounds, 12 ounces (and remember, he is one year old).  We have a long way to go with this little one to get him healthy and happy, but that time begins today and we are thankful for the opportunity to serve him.

 

We asked what his siSwati name meant in English and we were told that it means “God with us”, so this little one will be called Emmanuel, God with us.

It has been another challenging week, but I am thankful for all that we have been given.  Our summer interns arrived yesterday and today they started sorting thousands of pairs of TOMS Shoes, preparing them for distribution to the children who live in our rural church communities.  Tomorrow we hang curtains, harvest our Moringa crop and build a dog pen for our newest addition to the Maxwell family (her name is Nala).  It’s Saturday morning in Swaziland and we are all alive and well.

Thanks for following, reading and praying. 

Janine

Ditched baby update and some "first world problems".

We have just finished our first full week living in Swaziland.  It was a lot harder than “planned”.  I am a great planner, and you would think that since I have spent 150+ weeks in Africa over the past nine years that I would know that things never work out here the way I plan them, but alas, I had higher expectations, and my own expectations created a bumping landing here in Swaziland.

First, the good news; if you read my May 23^rd blog you will remember the story of the young girl who gave birth to a baby and dropped it in the ditch only to be caught by police and put in jail for abandoning her child.  Well, it didn’t quite happen like that, in fact after the young mother abandoned the baby she ran away so that the police wouldn’t catch her and put her in jail.  The family promised the hospital to come for the baby, but they never did.  I dropped in to the hospital on my first day here to check on a different baby (a newborn who had been found in a bag up in a tree) and instead I found the little one whom we thought had been taken home by the family, as promised.  After a good conversation with a very helpful doctor and a wonderful Social Work Department we were able to bring the 4-month-old baby back to El Roi while the police continue to search for the mother and/or settle whether the family does want to keep the child or not. 

Spencer was with me when we drove in to pick up the baby boy (who we will call “David” for now since he is not in our permanent care yet).  The Social Worker took us to her office and we passed by two tiny little bundles sitting on the chair outside her office.  It was a set of twins, maybe a day old.  I asked the Social Worker what their story was and she told us that the babies’ mother had been raped by her own father.  The twins were a result of the rape.  The man had been charged and was given 27 years in prison, which is excellent and very uncommon here in Swaziland.  Incest is considered private and rarely goes to public court and is almost never settled in public court, so this is good news.  The Grandmother of the babies (who could be the mother of the girl or could be another wife of the man) has offered to raise the babies.  I am not convinced that this will work out, but we will keep tabs on it.  Sorry that was all so confusing.

As Ian, Spencer, David and I headed back to El Roi I received a call from Helen Mulli who said we had just received ANOTHER baby from a different hospital.  The hospital Social Worker and people from the Social Welfare Department stopped in unannounced with a little 3-week-old child.  His name is Jeremiah and he was found abandoned at a bus stop in Mbabane at the age of one week.  He had been in hospital for two weeks and now El Roi is his home. We now have seven babies under the age of one year, and they are all doing very well.  By all accounts this was a great start to my first week living in Swaziland.

So why is it then that I let the rest of the week fall apart?  The container we shipped two months ago had landed here weeks ago with our furniture, clothing, food, beds, towels, sheets and every other earthly thing we could have shipped, but was stuck in red tape at customs.  Our house, which we are building on Project Canaan and which was to be completed in April, is not finished.  After talking, pleading, crying (and some gnashing of teeth) we finally moved in on Thursday, only to find toilets overflowing (or not working), no hot water in some rooms, doors with no keys, workers all over the place looking in windows with no curtains, and worst of all, there is not a single electrical plug (or mirror for that matter) in ANY of our bathrooms.  We have since learned that it is against fire code to put them in bathrooms in Swaziland.  Sigh.   I thought I was going to have a stroke.  We couldn’t get people to understand the urgency of getting settled so that we could get on to the work we were here to do OR to get Chloe in her new school (having showered and with clean clothes!).

Side note:  For those of you in the mission field I know you are cracking up at this, but for those of you in your comfy homes, a little empathy is much appreciated.  J

It was at some point on Thursday, when Lori Marschall and Jana Franz arrived to help get The Lodge ready for our Summer Interns, that I realized I was really tired of hearing myself complain.  I was also disappointed in myself that I couldn’t be more “go with the flow” now that I live in Africa and even more disturbed that all these comforts were so very important to me.  It seemed that I am happy to serve Jesus, but not until all my boxes are unpacked, the toilet works and the shower has hot water.  Oh, I also would like my fridge to work, the electric fencing to be installed to keep us safe, maybe a washing machine to wash our clothes, and really, would an electrical socket and a mirror be too much to ask for in my bathroom?  If I had all those things sorted I could really really serve the Lord and the people of Swaziland better.  Sigh.

The scripture tells us that we are to give thanks in all things.  I wasn’t giving thanks for the beautiful home that we were building.  I wasn’t giving thanks for the people who were trying to help, and I had quickly forgotten the blessing of having two new little babies.  Yes, I am human.  Yes, I like nice things and comfort.  And yes, I am learning.   I seem to be a slow learner, but He is a patient teacher and for that I am thankful.

It is Saturday morning in Swaziland and I am alive. Today is a new day and I look forward to enjoying the view of the mountains, spending time with my family and listening for His small voice in the wind.

Thanks for reading. 

Janine