Father lit his 18-month old baby boy on fire?

Having one foot in “first world” and one foot in “third world” is very disturbing and it is divisive to my soul.

I have been visiting the United States for two weeks and have had two weeks of "extremes".  

I started my travels in “Sin City” Las Vegas where I was invited to be a part of the MedAssets Business Summit with 4,000 other people staying in a hotel that has almost as many rooms (3,309) as we have people in the community surrounding Project Canaan (3,500).  I then got to visit a small town in Texas where the people love Jesus, the Rattlesnakes are waking up and the Tumbleweeds are blowing across the road as you drive past beautiful Cattle Ranches and farms that are feeding America. I can only imagine that one day Project Canaan will be a farm that feeds Swaziland! 

Next, I spent two nights in Georgia with women from the US Bank who have big corporate jobs, but even bigger hearts.  At one well-planned dinner they successfully raised $34,000 to help educate and bring life-changing jobs to women of Swaziland.  While Lori Marschall and Rona Nix were busy in California raising funds for me to have a good, used, 4 x 4 vehicle “baby rescue” vehicle that will navigate the rough roads of Swaziland, the women from WOMENETICS provided me with a brand new Porsche 911 to drive to Florida to see Spencer (!).  It is SO COOL!  

The best part of the whole trip has been getting to visit Spencer!!  He is studying “Business Marketing" at Florida State University (home to 44,000 students, which is half the total population of the Capitol City of Mbabane, Swaziland) and for his extra-curricular activity he is a part of the FSU High Flying Circus.  We get to see him perform several times this weekend  and it makes me wonder if the babies at El Roi will one day have incredible opportunities like that?!  I am thankful to be here and a very proud mama.

Ian and I are so very proud of Spencer and Chloe.

It has been two weeks of extremes, from locations to conversations, but my “snap back into my other reality” came when I received a phone call from Swaziland last week.

There was good news and bad news.   The good news was that Baby #28 had arrived at El Roi and little 10-day old Elisha was happy and healthy.

The bad news rocked my world.  We were contacted by the Social Welfare Department to see if we could make room for and care for an 18-month old baby boy, who had been badly burned by his father.  I asked Shirley and Ian to gather more information and it slowly came to me as the week progressed. Here is some of what we know, and what I feel that I can share with you at this time, while still maintaining some privacy for the family.

“Social problems” as they are called in Swaziland, are always complicated, so I will try to explain this as simply as possible.

-       Woman was married to a man who died a couple of years ago.

-       Woman lives at her dead husbands homestead with his family and has nowhere else to live.

-       Woman gets pregnant by another man (we do not know the circumstances of this pregnancy).

-       Baby is born, but “culture” does not permit a baby from another man to live with the mother in her husbands homestead so baby has to go live with his Grandmother (biological Father’s mother)

-       In January 2013 (baby was 15-months old) the father beat the baby badly around the face.  The issue was settled “culturally” between the families (?) and no police report was made.

-       On March 13^th 2013 the Grandmother was working in the fields and came in and found the baby crying.  She called him to come and saw that he could not walk.

-       Grandmother found severe burns covering his buttocks and genitals.

-       I saw a photo of this baby in the newspaper at the end of March and the burns were horrific.  They showed his backside and it looked as if the baby was wearing a diaper and it had been lit on fire.

-       The father said he had accidently spilled boiling water on the boy, but the family does not believe this and neither do the doctors.

-       The father is now in prison.

-       The baby is at the Government hospital and while I want to show full respect for that hospital in this blog, I will say that I do not believe that they have the resources to give this child the care he needs to survive and recover.  I have been there and this child needs private care.

-       When the child is released from the hospital he will need somewhere safe to live. The mother has asked that we take him because she can’t take him to her “home” and the father will be released from prison. The whole family is very concerned about what the father will do when he is released.

The problem is complicated.  I am 8,500 miles away. Once I get back I will be taken to meet the mother, the Grandmother and I will go to the prison to meet the father, but in the meantime I sit on the other side of the planet and think about the pain that this boy and his mother are going through. The next step is to get this child proper care so that he can have a chance at a “normal” life.

I don't know what the future holds as there are many questions that still need answering. I don’t know if this child is to come to the El Roi baby home or if the mother and child are to come and live in the Sicalo Lesisha Kibbutz, but I do know that EL ROI sees them both and has a plan, and we can help.

I do know that we can do something now, today.  Shirley and Ian have secured a bed at a private hospital in Swaziland who we believe can provide excellent care for this child.  I can’t imagine what this would cost in America, but in Swaziland the cost for the next 60 days is almost $30,000 US, not including surgeries, skin grafts or other things that might be needed.

I know that $30,000 can feed a lot of children or provide care for many babies, but I think about what if the baby was Spencer or Chloe?  What if the baby who has massive burns on 20% of his whole body, and in the most private areas was YOUR child?  If it were my child I would stop at nothing to get him/her proper care.  This mother has no options, she has no one to call, no one to email and no one ask for financial assistance.  She is hopeless.  But I know that she is praying and asking God for help and He is her only hope. She is crying out daily for Him to send an angel and I am hoping that angel is reading this blog.

I will give you all an update after I get back home, but in the meantime I am hoping to raise a minimum of $20,000 so that we can commit to the mother that we will help her and move the baby to a different hospital. Yesterday I posted this need on Facebook and received $1,000 and I am so thankful for those early responders.  We have a long way to go, but I have faith that He will provide.

If you can give today please click here to make a secure donation.  Alternatively you can mail a check to:   Heart for Africa US,  P.O. Box 758 Cape Girardeau, MO 63702
Heart for Africa Canada, P.O. Box 246, Dept HOPE, Pickering, Ontario, L1V 2R4

I live in a world of extremes. I struggle having one foot in “first world” and the other foot in “third world”.  I long to be at home with my husband, my other babies and my Swazi family, but I give thanks for the opportunity to be here in this blessed country and I give thanks for every opportunity that I am being given while here.

Live from Florida … I am going back to the High Flying Circus today (and praying for a baby 8,500 miles away).

Janine

Everything is easier in America.

I was quite surprised to have 675 people read last week’s blog, but then as a Journalism Major, I wondered if it was because I had the word “alcohol” in the title? It is with that thought in mind that I gave this weeks’ blog the title “Everything is so easy in America” (and just for the record, it’s easy in Canada too!).

I know there are many of you who immediately got your back up and thought “Janine, you have no idea about my life and how hard it is”, but calm down, and take a minute to see it from my eyes.

Internet.  Every hotel we have stayed in has FREE HIGH SPEED WIRELESS INTERNET.  In fact, every coffee shop, gas station and restaurant that we stopped at also had FREE HIGH SPEED WIRELESS INTERNET. What’s the big deal?  Well, if you do all your banking (personally and corporately) on line, it can take hours or days to simply make a money transfer or pay a bill with highly unreliable internet.  I awoke early one day this week and spent three hours working on line.  At the end of the three hours I felt that I had completed a week’s worth of work.  There is no such thing as “free internet” or (“high speed” internet for that matter) in Swaziland, but we all depend on it for day-to-day communication.  It is easier here and so much more can be accomplished (and with much less frustration).  Of course when my Internet isn’t working I do spend more time with people rather than looking at my screen in the privacy of my house.  Maybe that isn’t so bad?

Credit cards. I can use a credit/debit card everywhere I shop here.  For gas, clothes, coffee, GASOLINE and hotel.  This is not the case in Swaziland.  We live in a cash society there and can’t fill up the car with gas without cash.  I am not a good cash carrier and have found myself on “empty” digging through the car looking for coins to get a few Rand of gas to get me back to the farm.  Did you know that the average credit card debt in America is $15,956 PER HOUSEHOLD?  Total US credit card debt was $801 BILLION as of December 2011.  Maybe cash is an okay way to go?

Phones.  I used to be so incredibly dependent on my phone when I lived in Canada and the US because it was attached to my ear much of the day.  Right now we are here with no cell phone because our AT&T contract has expired and we don’t really need one on this side of the pond (and of course we have free Wi-Fi at most stops remember?).  My phone in Swaziland is really a lifeline though.  It doesn’t ring often (with the invent of texting and the high cost of calling), but when it does ring I answer it with great anticipation that it will be a Social Welfare officer calling about a child in need.  Yesterday the phone rang in Swaziland and we learned of a newborn baby who was birthed in a pit latrine (outhouse) and left to die. The police rescued the baby, arrested the young (orphaned) mother and are doing some further investigation. They believe that we will be allowed to pick up that baby next Wednesday and bring him/her home to El Roi.  I am so thankful for live phone calls in Swaziland.

Food.  There is food everywhere here.  Fast food, prepared food, good food, bad food, comfort food, cold food, hot food, lots and lots of food.  I know why I put on so much weight in the past few years and why it was coming off in Swaziland.  It is a combination of immediate access, low cost, laziness and food processing.  While I have thoroughly enjoyed more than my share of PF Chang’s, Tim Horton’s, McDonalds, Jimmy Johns, Swiss Chalet and Subway, I look forward to going home and making all sorts of things with the large bag of tomatoes that Denis and Anthony bring me each week from their kitchen garden on the farm. Yum!

Water.  I will admit that after checking in to a Holiday Inn Express I went to brush my teeth and wondered where the kettle was to boil the water.  Duh.  ALL the water is clean here!  I was thankful.  While we love our house at Project Canaan, we still don’t have clean water to drink and the entire team has been struggling for 12 weeks to get the problem fixed.  Of course we don’t have to walk to the river and collect it like most of our Swazi brothers and sisters, ours comes right out of the tap in our house and for that I am really thankful. I will also admit being surprised and excited that there was toilet paper and hand soap in EVERY public bathroom we stopped in from Florida to Ottawa.  What a wonderful treat (that I always took for granted).

What is my point?  My point is that the United States of America and Canada are wonderful places to live.  If you were born there or are living there you must be thankful for all that you have and for the people who have made it “easy” to live there.  I know that nothing is easy, but you live in countries where everything works or if it doesn’t there is someone to call and quickly get it fixed.  There is a high expectation that everything will work, and that is awesome.  Our expectations in Swaziland are lower, or maybe simpler is a better word.  And I will say with all honesty that I am thoroughly enjoying that.  Yes, I get frustrated when my Internet stick shuts down again, or when there is no TP in the bathroom that I ran in to, but life is simpler, slower and I am finally (maybe for the first time in my 48 years) taking time to stop and enjoy the view, smell the roses, enjoy the dogs, savor the tomatoes or comfort a crying baby without that burning need to rush off and accomplish more.

This is likely the most boring blog I have ever written, but it was “easy”.  I am in the comfort of an air conditioned hotel room, Ian and Chloe are sleeping comfortably and Spencer is in class at Florida State University (one of 9,000+ University/College options in the US alone). After I am finished this I will have a hot shower, make coffee in the pot in our room, pack up and get in our own car, drive to Ottawa to see Ian’s family for the night then fly back to Georgia for a day of shopping, visiting and packing before flying home to Swaziland.  On this twelve day trip back to the US and Canada we will have flown 16,000 miles (26,000 km), driven 2,208 miles (3,560 KM), been to 4 countries, 7 states/provinces, stayed in 6 hotels and eaten at countless coffee shops and restaurants.  I am thankful for all that we have had the opportunity to do and see.  I loved being able to see Spencer get to FSU safely, loved seeing my cousin Kim and her family after their tragic loss and loved seeing Ian’s family in Ottawa. But now I am ready to go home, my new home, where the rooster is up at 4AM, the sun comes up at 6:15AM, the dogs are playing by 6:30AM and the world spins much slower and maybe more deliberately.  It’s not easy, but as Ian so often says, “if it was easy, everybody would be doing it”. :)

Live from Ottawa, Ontario, I am starting my journey home.

 Janine

Ten 40 oz empty bottles of alcohol in the kitchen sink in Florida, seven children living alone in Swaziland.

  It’s Saturday morning and I am not writing this from patio in Swaziland, but rather from the floor of a hotel room in Tallahassee, Florida.  Yesterday we drove from Georgia to Florida to move Spencer into his apartment at Florida State University.  He is sharing it with three unknown roommates and we were all arrived with great expectations of meeting these people whom he will spend the next year with.  These three guys would be his “family” while Ian, Chloe and I are living in Swaziland and this apartment would be his “home”.

Spencer and Chloe had driven down to Tallahassee last week to drop off a load of things for his apartment.  He told us that he was quite surprised at the mess that his apartment was in when he arrived, but hoped that it would be cleaned up before he arrived again on Friday.  Alas, that was not to be.  We walked in the front door and the kitchen sink had no less than ten empty 40 oz bottles of alcohol in it.  The fridge was full of rotten and rotting food.  The pantry, cupboards and counter tops held half empty boxes of cereal, crackers a few unknown food items and there was a smell that wasn’t quite recognizable. Of course it didn’t help that the air conditioner was broken and we are in the peak of Florida heat and humidity. 

All I could think was “Welcome to your new home Spencer.  I hope you have a great year. We will miss you.”  How on earth could I really leave my baby in this situation?  But had God put him here for a purpose?  How do we know if this is where he is to be and not just take control and say “over our dead body are you living in this place!”?  Letting go is such a hard thing to do.   And knowing when to do it is may be even harder.  We are “fixers”.  We want to fix things and make them right.  This situation created confusion, anxiety and uncertainty for everyone in the family.

Spencer is likely the bravest kid that I know.  He looked around, took a deep breath and then started to quickly unpack in his room.  The room was small so he removed the doors to his closet to tuck the top of his bed in the closet to make more space in the room. As that was happening, two of his roommates (the ones who had been living in the apartment for the summer) made an appearance.  We politely shook hands and eyed each other up to quickly evaluate if this was going to be a good year or a bad year.  First impressions are what they are and my heart sank even further.

It was clear that Spencer needed to be left on his own to unpack and process so the rest of the family headed to the hotel to get showered and ready for dinner.  We left the compound and started to drive.  After a quarter of a mile and a short conversation, Ian turned the car around and went back to the rental offices and asked for a manager.  She was very kind, professional and understanding. She assured us that the apartment should NOT look like that and was very sorry. Within minutes she had another alternative. We asked Spencer if he wanted to move, because we believed this had to be his choice, and with some hesitation (not wanting to be “that guy who is judging others”) agreed to move.  We packed up all he had unpacked, loaded two cars and moved to another building. 

Spencer is now officially attending Florida State University.  He has three great roommates who are Sophomores and Juniors and seem to be serious students and have a good sense of humor.  We are thankful.

Yesterday was a traumatic day for us all. When do you let go and let your adult child make decisions and when do you still use a gentle word to help out in a situation?  These are new waters for us and we, like the thousands of other parents who are navigating through this as well, are praying for peace, joy and protection for the gifts that God has given us ... our children.

What a contrast this week has been from last week when we raced our youngest, Ishmael, to the hospital to save his life. He is only three months old and was suffering terribly from malnutrition.  We feared for his life as he was down to five pound and Thabile stayed with him night and day to feed him special formula and nurse him back to life.  He is now back home and doing well.  That was too close.

Only six days ago I was in a house where seven children (under the age of eleven years) were living alone.  The 30-year-old mother was going to jail for three years for stealing formula and diapers for her four-month-old.  She was worried about her other children and asked us to go and check on them.  We went out with the Child Protection department of the police, only to find the all the children sound asleep living in squalor with no food to be found. 

I know I will never get used to the contrasts in my new life, but I don’t ever want to miss the opportunity to give thanks for all that the Lord has given me.  Those children didn’t choose to be born to a young poor mother in Swaziland.  Ishmael didn’t choose to be born to a mother who couldn’t feed him. I didn’t choose to be born in Canada and neither did Spencer.  God made those choices and decisions and we must all deal with the hand that we are dealt.   We are to give thanks to the Lord in ALL things … sometimes that is hard to get my head around.

Today we will go and buy food for Spencer’s pantry and fridge and not worry about paying for it.  We will eat at a restaurant of our choice and enjoy the weekend together a family whom I am so very thankful for.  I give thanks today for ALL that we have been given including choice, wisdom, favor, finances, love and the very scripture which guides our choices and our lives.  May we never lose sight of each of these precious gifts from above.

Live from Florida, I am ready for a new day.

Janine

PS - I can't believe how much quicker it is to upload photos and this blog with HIGH SPEED INTERNET access which is FREE at our hotel!  Oh yes, I do miss this very much ... and am thankful this fine morning :)